10 Years Ago

1.     1.   My mom died

2.       I knew my boyfriend at the time would never marry me after he picked me up from the airport and told me in the Perkins at 111^th and Blondo in Omaha  that he would never get over the girl he met in college.  This was after I had made a trip home to say good bye to my mother who had burns over 70% of her head, neck, and chest.  He never asked me how I felt but launched into a story about the girl who got away. I was in denial about this until 2003. I am a slow learner.

3.       My best work friend ever left me to teach at a place closer to home. I knew it was best for him and his family but I lost one of my best friends ever.

4.       Another work friend decided to go into administration so we got a new person in his position who I enjoyed working with for two years.  I still miss working with my friend.

5.       One of the best boss I ever had helped me and encouraged me to travel overseas. Then he left me to go on to bigger and better things.

6.       I saw U2 twice in a year

7.       I did fun things with someone I shouldn’t have. I think we both learned from this situation and went on to do some wonderful things together and apart.

8.       I weighed 100 pounds less than I do now and I thought I was fat.

9.       I watched a plane crash into the World Trade Center at home. I went to school and saw the building drop with my class. I worried about my dad at 30 Wall Street.  Another faculty member yelled at me for worrying about my dad out loud. She was worried about her son in basic training. She thought that they would send her son into war immediately.  I was scared until my dad sent me an email.

10.   I didn’t appreciate the life that I had.

11.   I flew from Vegas to Wayne to NYC to Wayne to NYC in a period of a month because my mom had an accident.  I was in my office trying to fill out my reimbursement form from my trip. Joyce called over and told me to contact my family as soon as I could. I tried my sister, dad, and brother. No one answered. I called the hospital nearest to my mom’s house.  The nurse in the emergency department told me that all the victims from that ‘accident’ were taken to the burn unit in Bridgeport.  When she said burn unit I started to panic. After two minutes I was able to get in touch with my sister who told me that they were incubating my mom because she had third degree burns on her face, neck, and chest from having oxygen on when she was smoking. My brother had found her and was coping by drinking a forty in the hospital waiting room. He was just stunned that my mom was that burned.  My sister kept crying because she wasn’t able to speak with her because of the  intubation. I told her I would be on a plane the next morning. She told me to wait a day because they thought my mom would die.  I left within 24 hours.  My students at the time gave me a giant sloppy hug the night before I left. I stayed up most of the night grading to make sure I could get my grades in by the next week during exams.  I had no clue what the timeline would be for my mom.  I wasn’t sure what to think or do.
 My sister was not able to talk to my mom.  I wasn’t able to talk to her.  Someone stole my sister’s  PDA and purse while my mom was in the burn unit. The whole thing was difficult. It rained and rained in Nebraska.  I had to go home to do graduation.  Friends from Omaha came to graduation.  That night after everything was all said and done my mom died. Her pressure dropped and they couldn’t get her back. My boyfriend at the time was with me.  I called my boss as soon as I could. I woke him up. Told him I was almost done with my grades and I had to home. He was helpful to me as I scanned on my computer for flights. I ran home to Wayne got my funeral clothes. I spilled glitter all over my black suit before my mom’s wake.  My sister’s ex husband showed up in a different format. My brother was in shock. My dad seemed okay. We saw all of our cousins from the old days. We had a party on the deck. I think my mom would have liked it. I took the plane home. I felt okay because I had a dream that my mom was whole and well.  I ran into a deer on my way home.  There was blood and fur all over my car. At least it still worked. I think my mother’s spirit was with me cause the deer was huge.  I wish I could write about this in a smoother, sleeker style but I can only remember the thing in chunks.  I am not a writer. I know that now. 

T  Ten years is so long ago. A lifetime away. 100 pounds away. Thousands of laughs away. Millions of smiles away. I feel weird about thinking about that person. Parts of me wishes I had done things differently. Another part of me thinks I did the best I could so it's a life that was well lived. I hope I am allowed another decade.